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IDENTIFY AND MANAGE EMOTIONS

The emotions aren’t always immediately subject to reason, but they
are always immediately subject to action.

—William James

We all experience an assortment of emotions every day. Joy, fear, surprise, anger, disgust, and other feelings are such a fact of life
that we seldom stop to think about what they mean, how they occur,
or why they occur. When managed properly, emotions can enhance
our motivation, improve our relationships, and protect us from dan-
ger. When handled improperly, however, emotions can destroy careers,
damage relationships, and stifle our abilities to communicate and to
connect with others.

Emotions are complex feeling states that produce a host of cogni-
tive, physiological, and behavioral changes. Cognitively, we experience
emotions as a shift in focus as our attention becomes fixed on a person
or object. Physiologically, we undergo a number of bodily changes,
including accelerated heart rate, elevated body temperature, acceler-
ated breathing, dilated pupils, and muscular tension. Behaviorally, we
experience emotions as an impulse to act—that is, to move toward or
away from a person or object, a response commonly described as “fight
or flight.”

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22 LAW ENFORCEMENT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

Emotions do not occur in a vacuum. They have specific causes. We are
angry with someone or about something. Indeed, it is the all-consuming
focus of emotions that makes them so difficult to ignore. This seems espe-
cially true for anger, which can range in intensity from mild irritation
to full-blown rage. Because emotions urge us to do something and do it
quickly, they often create more problems than they solve. This has led some
philosophers to conclude that before we can live a happy and fulfilled life,
we must first learn to subjugate our emotions to the cold logic of reason.

HISTORY AND THE STUDY OF EMOTIONS

The Greek Stoics of the early third century b.c. believed that the
“passions” do little more than cloud one’s ability to reason. The Stoics
taught that emotions, which result from errors in judgment, are some-
thing to be controlled. They further believed that a “sage” person of
“moral and intellectual perfection” would not suffer the defect of emo-
tions. Several centuries later, the French philosopher René Descartes
proposed a “duality” of mind and body. Descartes suggested that the
mind is completely separate from the body, an immaterial “thinking
thing” driven by pure logic and void of self-defeating emotions. Logic
and emotion, he maintained, are isolated processes, occurring in sep-
arate spheres—one in the mind, the other in the body. Descartes did
not deny the existence of emotions; rather, he believed that rational
thinking is unaffected by feelings. However, despite the long-standing
popularity of these approaches, their authors could not have been more
wrong.

Every decision that we make and every action that we take—from
selecting which car to buy to deciding whom to marry—is somehow
influenced by emotion. Because of the way we value logic in Western
society, we are naturally inclined to view ourselves as rational and
decision making as a purely logical pursuit. We observe and assess,
identify our options, and choose the most logical course of action.
Recent scientific evidence, however, suggests that our decisions and
actions are heavily influenced by emotion. On one hand, we use logic
to analyze data and assess outcomes. On the other hand, we rely on
emotions to provide visceral feedback, intuitive insights, and “gut
feelings.” It seems that rather than simply weighing the logical costs

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Identify and Manage Emotions 23

and benefits of a decision, we use emotions to guide our choices and
then engage in a post hoc search for reasons to justify our actions. The
better we understand how and why emotions occur, the more effective
we will be at soothing hurt feelings, managing conflict, and dealing
with irate, frustrated, and difficult people.

Functions of Emotions

In addition to their role in problem solving and decision making,
emotions serve a number of other important functions, including pro-
tection, attention, motivation, bonding, and communication.

• Protection: The primary purpose of our nervous system is to keep us
alive. In simplest terms, the faster we respond to potential threats, the
greater our chances of survival. Emotions have evolved as the primary
way of alerting us to the presence of danger. At the first sign of threat,
the emotional centers of the brain activate the body’s stress response,
sending signals to other areas of the brain and body to prime us for
immediate action.

• Attention: Emotions affect what we notice, what we process, and what
we remember. Negative emotions like fear and anger make it difficult
for us to concentrate or remember, while positive emotions can gener-
ate energy and attention as well as enhance memory and recall.

• Motivation: Emotions are the driving forces that compel us to act. The
things that motivate us are generally the same things that move us emo-
tionally. The positive feelings we experience when we achieve personal
goals motivate us to pursue other ambitions. Conversely, the negative
emotions that follow a disappointment deter us from performing certain
behaviors.

• Bonding: Emotions make it possible for us to form important relation-
ships and to bond with others. The bond that a parent shares with a child
and the connection between a husband and wife are simply not possible
without emotions.

• Communication: We use our emotions to initiate and to regulate
social interaction with others, as well as to reinforce or to modify other
aspects of our communication. We do so through our facial expressions,
posture, eye contact, and bodily movement—all of which provide
important clues about our thoughts, feelings, and attitudes.

While emotions perform a number of necessary and important func-
tions, an inability to recognize and to control emotions can create a host

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24 LAW ENFORCEMENT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

of problems. For example, emotions can cause an otherwise rational
person to act in ways that are clearly contrary to his best interests, such
as yelling at an officer who is doing little more than attempting to keep
the peace or to issue a traffic citation. What is it about emotion that
causes people to behave in ways that are so clearly irrational? More
important, what can we do to communicate effectively with irate, frus-
trated, and difficult people?

THE EMOTIONAL BRAIN

Over the past few decades, neuroscientists have learned a great deal about
the origins and roles of emotions. This includes the identification and
study of specific brain regions responsible for both logic and emotion.
As human beings we are, by our very nature, emotional. Whether we
realize it or not, emotions touch every aspect of our lives. Emotions influ-
ence not only how we make choices but also what we think about. While
Descartes’s notion of a disembodied mind is almost certainly wrong, it
appears that he may have been right about one thing: We are literally of
two minds—one emotional, the other logical. The emotional brain is intu-
itive, fast, and instinctual. It is concerned primarily with emotional signif-
icance and with survival. The logical brain, in contrast, is rational, slow,
and heavily influenced by experience. It is concerned with precision,
logic, and getting things right. Together the two brains integrate thinking
and feeling in ways that make the many nuances and complexities of our
intellectual and emotional lives possible (see Table 2.1).

Table 2.1 Emotional Brain Versus Logical Brain

Emotional Brain Logical Brain

Automatic Controlled

Fast Slow

Intuitive Rational

Effortless Effortful

Learns slowly Learns quickly

Requires little energy Requires considerable energy

SOURCE: Adapted from Lehrer, J. (2009). How we decide. New York: Mariner Books.

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Identify and Manage Emotions 25

We don’t normally think of our brains as collections of distinct
parts, each responsible for particular functions, such as basic life sup-
port, vision, speech, logic, movement, memory, and emotion. Rather,
we experience our brains as fully integrated units, capable of combining
logic and emotion into one seamless experience. Scientists, however,
divide the brain into three major areas: the brain stem, the limbic sys-
tem, and the cerebral cortex (see Table 2.2). This division, although
somewhat artificial, can nonetheless help to clarify the basic structures
responsible for different functions and assist us in better understanding
the relationship between logic and emotion.

Brain Stem Functions

The brain stem, or reptilian brain, as it is sometimes labeled, is a
continuation of the spinal cord. It is responsible for basic vegetative
functions, including the regulation of heart rate, breathing, sleeping,
eating, and consciousness. The brain stem also connects the sen-
sory nerves and motor nerves of the brain to the rest of the body. All
information relayed from the brain to the body and vice versa travels
through the brain stem. Damage to the brain stem can result in coma
or death.

Limbic System Functions

The limbic system, or emotional brain, comprises the clusters of
nuclei associated with emotions, particularly fear. It is not truly a separate
system; rather, it is a collection of structures that include the hippocampus,

Table 2.2 Brain Functions

Brain Stem Limbic System Cerebral Cortex

Regulation of cardiac and
respiratory functions

Emotional arousal Thinking

Fear Planning

Consciousness Learning Logic

Regulation of the sleep cycle Memory Memory

Eating Motivation Language

SOURCE: Adapted from Carter, R. (1999). Mapping the mind. Berkeley: University of
California Press.

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26 LAW ENFORCEMENT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

amygdalae, anterior thalamic nuclei, septum, limbic cortex, and fornix. In
addition to emotional arousal, the limbic system plays important roles in
motivation, learning, and memory.

Cerebral Cortex Functions

The cerebral cortex, or logical brain, is the region commonly referred
to as gray matter. The cerebral cortex is divided into right and left hem-
ispheres. It encompasses approximately two-thirds of the brain’s mass
and lies over and around most of the brain’s other structures. It is the
most recently evolved part of the human brain and is responsible for
thinking, logic, planning, learning, memory, and language.

One especially important part of the logical brain is the prefrontal
cortex, the region located just behind the forehead. It is the brain area
responsible for impulse control as well as learning about the social
norms and values of a person’s culture. The frontal cortex is the last
part of the brain to develop, typically maturing around age 25—a fact
that explains much of the impulsive behavior common among young
adults. Although all mammals possess some functioning frontal cor-
tex, the area is most highly developed in human beings.

Understanding the various brain structures and their functions is an
important step in recognizing how and why people become emotionally
distressed, as well as why it can be so difficult to reason with a person
who is distraught. Losing control, failing to respond to reason, and, in
some cases, behaving violently can all be traced to specific areas of the
brain.

LOGIC VERSUS EMOTION

Our thoughts, decisions, and actions are the products of the two brains:
one rational, the other emotional. The rational brain thinks. It per-
forms detailed analyses of data from the outside world, compares that
information to past events stored in long-term memory, and plans the
best course of action. The rational brain is responsible for conscious
thought, logic, planning, and language. It is also tasked with using the
information gathered by our senses to create a cohesive picture of the

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Identify and Manage Emotions 27

world. The neocortex, which represents the crowning achievement of
millions of years of evolutionary pressure, is primarily responsible for
the rise and dominance of human beings over other species.

In contrast to the cold, logical analysis of the more recently evolved
neocortex, the emotional brain feels. It is responsible for emotions like
anger, fear, and love. It is also the source of our intuitions, or “gut feel-
ings.” One particularly important cluster of neurons is the amygdala,
a set of structures located deep beneath the brain’s temporal lobe. The
amygdala specializes in emotions, especially those associated with fear.
It continuously scans the environment for potential threats and activates
the body’s alarm, commonly referred to as the “fight or flight” response,
at the first sign of danger. Unlike the slower, more logical neocortex, the
emotional brain is designed for speed rather than accuracy.

Normally the two brains operate as a tightly orchestrated system.
We are able to connect feeling with thinking and thinking with feel-
ing in ways that allow us to integrate our two ways of knowing. There
is a comfortable balance. On one hand, we use feelings to inform our
rational brain, to help us make decisions, and to add color to logic.
On the other hand, we integrate information from our rational brain to
better inform feelings and occasionally to override unhealthy emotional
responses. In most instances, our thoughts and feelings work together
as one coordinated unit, but this is not always the case. There are times
when the emotional brain seizes control, filling us with rage, anger, or
other strong emotions, and leaving us seemingly beyond the reach of
logic or reason.

“FIGHT OR FLIGHT”

The human brain developed from the bottom up. Because the higher
brain centers of the neocortex developed as elaborations from the more
primitive emotional brain, the two brains are connected by a network of
neurons that allow us to integrate thoughts and feelings. We are able to
“think” about our “feelings” as well as to articulate our emotions and
intuitions. These connections also provide the more primitive emotional
brain with a way of overriding the neocortex during an emergency—
even if temporarily—to ensure our survival.

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28 LAW ENFORCEMENT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

Anytime the emotional brain senses a threat (real or perceived), it
activates the sympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system, trig-
gering the release of adrenaline and glucocorticoids into the bloodstream
to prime the mind and body for action (see Table 2.3). This produces
a rush of nervous energy and muscular tension, which we experience
as an elevated heart rate, rapid breathing, dry mouth, sweaty palms,
and butterflies in the stomach. We may also find ourselves behaving
in uncharacteristically aggressive ways, such as pointing our fingers,
clenching our fists, or yelling. Not surprisingly, strong emotions can
make it especially difficult for us to listen or to concentrate. The more
intense the feeling, the more dominant the emotional brain.

The body’s stress response has been etched into the human nerv-
ous system over hundreds of millennia and thousands of generations.

Table 2.3 Stress Response (Fight or Flight)

Activation of the sympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system
(“hot” go system)

Release of glucocorticoids, including adrenaline, noradrenaline, and
cortisol

Increases in heart rate and respiration

Elevation in blood pressure

Flushing or paling

Inhibition of stomach/digestive functions

Dilation of pupils

Constriction of blood vessels

Diversion of blood to large muscle groups

Tunnel vision

Shaking/tremors

Inhibition of tear production and salivation

Increase in blood sugar

Suppression of immune system

Increase in blood clotting

SOURCE: Adapted from Kagan, J. (1998). Galen’s prophecy: Temperament in human
nature. Boulder, CO: Basic Books.

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Identify and Manage Emotions 29

As hunter-gatherers, our ancestors faced an untold number of
dangers, including hungry predators, aggressive neighboring tribes,
and unpredictable turns of nature. When our ancestors encountered
hungry predators, they did not have the time to pause and formu-
late the most logical response. They needed a system capable of
almost instantaneous action. The emotional brain, with its ability to
prime the mind and body for an immediate response, provided the
advantage necessary to ensure our ancestors’ survival in such hostile
environments. However, the rapid, emotional response that served
our ancestors so well is poorly adapted to the challenges we face in
modern society.

Today, our chances of encountering man-eating carnivores are vir-
tually nonexistent. The human brain, in spite of its complexity and flex-
ibility, has been unable to keep pace with our rapidly changing world.
Over the span of a few thousand years, human life, particularly in highly
developed countries, has changed so dramatically that many of our
ancestors would be unable to cope.

Because our brains have failed to evolve at the same speed as the
rest of our world, we continue to demonstrate the same hardwired
responses to threats as our early ancestors, engaging in either “fight” or
“flight.” This is further complicated by the fact that the emotional brain
responds to psychological threats in the same way it responds to physi-
cal threats—that is, as if our personal safety were in jeopardy. Thus, we
respond to threats to our self-esteem in the same ways we respond to
threats to our physical safety.

When a person is irate, frustrated, or angry, we can be almost cer-
tain that his emotional brain is running the show. The rational brain is
on hold while the person focuses his energy, attention, and resources
on the threat. His body is full of adrenaline. His mind is focused on the
threat. And he is driven by a primitive urge to attack or to defend. His
thoughts and emotions are no longer integrated. Rather than thinking
rationally about the long-term consequences of his actions, he is con-
cerned only with immediate survival.

As law enforcement professionals, how can we best respond to some-
one whose rational brain is disengaged? How do we motivate or per-
suade someone who is driven by pure emotion? Fortunately, the person’s
temporary insanity is just that—temporary. By correctly identifying a

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30 LAW ENFORCEMENT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

SOURCE: Adapted from Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can
matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam Books.

Figure 2.1 Connections Between the Emotional Brain and the Logical Brain

person’s emotional state and by reconnecting with the rational brain, we
can overcome many strong emotional responses, direct the person back
to a state of calm, and manage conflict effectively.

A Silver Lining

The networks that link the two brains allow strong emotions to override
logic during an emergency. This, however, does not mean that the rational
brain has stopped working altogether. While the emotional brain prepares
the mind and body for danger, the rational brain continues to analyze possi-
ble courses of action and ultimately decides on the best one. In other words,
while we may have little control over our initial reaction, we can consciously
affect the duration and intensity of our response. If, for example, a felony
suspect reaches into his pocket, our emotional brain sounds the alarm and
activates the body’s stress response. Meanwhile, our rational brain continues
to analyze, taking in additional details, comparing those facts to informa-
tion stored in long-term memory, and continuously updating the emotional
brain. When the rational brain determines that the suspect is retrieving a cell
phone and not a firearm, it sends signals to turn off the alarm.

This is possible because the neural networks that connect the two
brains travel in both directions (see Figure 2.1). In other words, neurons
transmit messages from the emotional brain to the neocortex, and other

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Identify and Manage Emotions 31

connections send signals from the neocortex to the emotional brain.
These networks allow the logical brain to manage the duration and
intensity of our emotional responses. Under certain conditions, how-
ever, it is possible for the rational brain not only to modify the duration
and intensity of our emotions but also to override them altogether.

The connections between the rational and emotional brains offer a
ray of hope, or silver lining, for managing the responses of irate, frus-
trated, and difficult people by providing a way of reengaging the rational
brain. To manage such a person’s responses effectively, we must be able
to identify that individual’s emotional state as well as to reengage the
rational brain. This includes learning to recognize the symptoms of gen-
eral arousal and other nonverbal signs of affect, including facial expres-
sions, paralanguage, posture, proxemics, and eye contact (all of which
will be discussed in greater detail later in the book). If we expect to
communicate and to connect successfully, we must increase our sensitiv-
ity to the nonverbal messages of other people as well as to the messages
that we send to others. This is especially true when we are dealing with
irate, frustrated, and difficult people. In the same way that we watch the
behaviors of others, they observe our actions as well. Transmitting the
wrong messages (for example, disinterest or impatience) is almost cer-
tain to make a bad situation worse. Rather, we must make every effort to
communicate interest and objectivity while using appropriate strategies
to reengage the person’s rational brain.

TOOLS FOR MANAGING EMOTIONS

Strong negative affective responses occur when the more primitive emo-
tional brain triggers the body’s stress response (fight or flight). When
this happens, we respond emotionally rather than logically. We are less
concerned with the long-term consequences of our actions than with
focusing our energy and attention on the immediate threat. All of us
have, at one time or another, been fearful, angry, depressed, irritated, and
hostile. Emotions are entangled in every thought we have, every decision
we make, and every action we take. When dealing with irate and emo-
tional people, there is no “one size fits all” solution—no magic bullet
or special phrase that will work on every person and in every instance.

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32 LAW ENFORCEMENT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

The approach we should take depends on the unique environmental and
personal variables of the situation as well as the number of tools we have
available. The more techniques we have at our disposal, the greater our
chances of success.

Be Aware of Your Response

Managing the emotions of others begins with managing our own
response. Responding emotionally to someone who is already irate,
frustrated, or angry will almost certainly make a bad situation worse.
Everything that we do and say is potentially important. To make the
right impression, we must send the right message. This means con-
trolling our verbal and nonverbal behaviors to ensure that we commu-
nicate appropriate levels of professionalism, interest, and objectivity.
Carefully monitoring our actions also allows us to influence the behav-
ior of others by demonstrating the kinds of conduct that we want the
others to model. If we appear anxious, nervous, or emotional, they will
respond in kind. On the other hand, if we appear calm, professional, and
interested, they are more likely to respond in ways that facilitate, rather
than inhibit, successful communication and problem solving.

Listen Actively

The simple act of listening can go a long way toward reducing emo-
tional distress. Listening provides people with important opportunities
to express their feelings, attitudes, and concerns. Listening, however, is
not as easy as it might appear. To listen effectively, we must do more
than simply process information. Good listeners pay attention not only
to people’s choice of words but also to their paralanguage and other
nonverbal cues. This means that we must listen with our eyes as well
as with our ears. It also requires that we take an interest in others. We
must learn to listen to people with the same concern and respect that we
expect from others, regardless of our personal feelings.

Paraphrase

Paraphrasing involves the restatement of a person’s message in
another form. It can be used to clarify, summarize, or expand on the

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Identify and Manage Emotions 33

original message. Paraphrasing also offers a number of advantages
for managing highly emotional people. To begin with, it allows us to
interrupt someone without making things worse. For example, after
listening long enough to grasp the crux of a person’s complaint, an
officer can politely interrupt by stating “I want to be sure that I under-
standing what you have told me so far” or “Okay, if I understand you
correctly . . .” One of the reasons that paraphrasing is so effective is that
it requires the other party to stop talking and listen to discover if the
officer has, in fact, gotten the story right. Further, similar to active lis-
tening, paraphrasing provides a way of modeling appropriate behaviors
and reducing tension.

Ask Questions

Strong emotions are products of the emotional brain. One way of
reengaging the rational brain is to ask questions. Because answering
questions requires the person to process the request, search for informa-
tion, and formulate a response, questions naturally engage the rational
brain. This is especially true of open-ended questions that require an
extended search for information and a narrative response, such as “Tell
me more about that” or “What happened next?” Unlike binary ques-
tions, narrative questions cannot be answered with a simple yes or no.
The more we can engage the person in answering narrative questions,
the greater our chances of reengaging the rational brain.

Let the Person Vent

One of the most effective ways of dealing with someone who is
angry or frustrated is to allow the person to blow off steam. Rather than
arguing, debating, or disagreeing, our best course of action is to let the
person vent. The simple act of venting provides people with a form of
psychological release. Our job is not to react to emotional outbursts or
to personal attacks. Rather, we should listen quietly, acknowledge the
person’s concerns, and demonstrate interest. This includes allowing the
person to have the last word. If she stops talking, we should prompt
her to continue. Not only does letting someone vent allow that person
to blow off steam, but it also demonstrates our patience, empathy, and
genuine desire to listen.

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34 LAW ENFORCEMENT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

Reframe the Problem

One final tool for managing anger, frustration, and other strong
emotions is reframing. The way we frame a problem has a lot to do with
how we respond. When we reframe a problem, we describe it …